Counseling Evil 3/Transcript
Cast (in order of appearance): Marik, Bandit Keith, Teddy Bear, Pegasus, Umbra and Lumis, Zorc Necrophades Running time: 9:19 Transcript (The entire world is shown) CAPTION: Somewhere in America... (Kim Wilde's "Kids in America" is playing) MARIK: So, after Bakura left me to join that lisping guy with the weird hair, my council threatened to turn against me unless I proved my worth as an evil mastermind! Which is why I came to see you Bandit Steve, to learn how to unlock my true evil potential. BANDIT STEVE KEITH: Good work, Marik! That was an excellent example of exposition-the most American way of telling a story in media. MARIK: Seemed kinda hokey and obvious... BANDIT STEVE KEITH: Nonsense! Nothing is more natural and convincing then standing there and describing in painful details exactly what everything is and why. Just that it from me, Bandit Keith, the professional American Duelist who was ejected from the Duelist Kingdom Finals and then briefly mind-controlled by you before turning out to be a secret Canadian, except then in a shocking plot twist that was all just the cosmic cube changing reality. See? Now everything makes sense! MARIK: I feel like I might have wasted my money... BANDIT STEVE KEITH: Don't worry teenage boy- MARIK: It was all of my money. BANDIT STEVE KEITH: After you're done taking my ten-step program, you'll be able to understand and comprehend everything. Becoming an American villain like me is basically the same achieving a state of Nirvana, one of the best grunge bands to come out of America. MARIK: Don't even have cash for the trip back, just sort of hope that I could bum a ride. BANDIT STEVE KEITH: You know in America, "bum" means something different. In our country, it refers to a vagrant. MARIK: That's the exact context I used it in! BANDIT STEVE KEITH: Whereas for you, it means ass. MARIK: What? BANDIT STEVE KEITH: And weirdly you also spell it with a "U." MARIK: How else do you spell bum? BANDIT STEVE KEITH: Silly weird foreigner. Listen to the sound of my loud, egotistical voice. In ten easy-to-learn steps- MARIK: -speaking of steps you sound kinda like Johnny Steps. BANDIT STEVE KEITH: You'll be just as great as me. MARIK: Maybe I've should've taken his course instead. CAPTION: Step 1: Conditioning BANDIT STEVE KEITH: In this step, you're going to eat a series of hamburgers in quick secession to prove no matter meaty things get you're up for the challenge. MARIK: How long have these hamburgers been out? BANDIT STEVE KEITH: It doesn't matter. MARIK: Yes it does, it matters significantly! Did you make these this morning? BANDIT STEVE KEITH: Yesterday... MARIK: I'm not eating these! BANDIT STEVE KEITH: Oh what am I just supposed to keep making fresh burgers just in case someone shows up to take my stupid class? MARIK: Yes? BANDIT STEVE KEITH: Just eat one OK! MARIK: How in the frig does this make me a good villain? BANDIT STEVE KEITH: Having to face multiple opponents in a single fight is a problem all great villains face. If you can overcome this onslaught of tasty burgers, you can overcome a group of heroes, no matter how they tatse! MARIK: I'm not eating Jack, man! BANDIT STEVE KEITH: Fine! On to Step 2! MARIK: I'm pretty sure that one of these is a rice-ball... BANDIT STEVE KEITH: STEP 2! CAPTION: Step 2: Conditioning BANDIT STEVE KEITH: In this step, you will learn all 68 United States. MARIK: I thought there were only 50. BANDIT STEVE KEITH: Every time MARIK: BANDIT STEVE KEITH: MARIK: BANDIT STEVE KEITH: Wrong. MARIK: '''FRIG!! '''CAPTION: '''Step 3: Conditioning '''BANDIT STEVE KEITH: MARIK: BANDIT STEVE KEITH: MARIK: BANDIT STEVE KEITH: MARIK: BANDIT STEVE KEITH: MARIK: BANDIT STEVE KEITH: MARIK: BANDIT STEVE KEITH: MARIK: BANDIT STEVE KEITH: MARIK: BANDIT STEVE KEITH: MARIK: BANDIT STEVE KEITH: MARIK: BANDIT STEVE KEITH: MARIK: BANDIT STEVE KEITH: MARIK: BANDIT STEVE KEITH: MARIK: BANDIT STEVE KEITH: MARIK: BANDIT STEVE KEITH: MARIK: BANDIT STEVE KEITH: MARIK: BANDIT STEVE KEITH: MARIK: BANDIT STEVE KEITH: Buddy, let me tell you something about America CAPTION: Meanwhile, somewhere is Egypt TEDDY BEAR: So it's decided, Marik has had his chance. From this day forth, the new counsel of domination. PEGASUS: I still think we can come up with a better name. UMBRA: Shut up man that kick's ass! LUMIS: Yes, no need to ruminant when we can dominate. PEGASUS: Oh right, I forgot that I'm the only adult left with the sense of decorum ZORC: Silence! Let the Teddy bear speak. TEDDY BEAR: Thank you Zorc, we're going to crusting the newly formed council in the blood of our enemies PEGASUS: '''You mean kill Yugi Muto, I thought that we agreed multiple times that it was impossible in our world, without it being censored I mean. '''TEDDY BEAR: Naive fool, the censors won't let us kill the heroes but the heroes are not our only enemies. We're going to pay a little visit to Dartz's low-tier group of wannabe evil-doers and we're going to kill all of them. ZORC: '''Even Bakura? '''TEDDY BEAR: Especially Bakura. ZORC: But he's me. I think. It's confusing. LUMIS: It will be less confusing when he is dead because then there will be only one or none of you. UMBRA: There can be only none. TEDDY BEAR: DEATH TO BAKURA! CAPTION: To Be Continued... Thanks to our November Patreon Pledgers! 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